WWE Monday Night Raw 3/21/11…Live Via Satellite…Insert Own Joke Here

I received a phone call today with the news that my Great-Aunt passed away, my Grandmother’s Sister.  She lived an amazing 92 years.  I will miss you Aunt Jeanette.

Now onto the World’s greatest Episodic TV show, other wise known as Raw, here we go.

Justin Roberts announces that Good Ol’ J.R. Jim Ross is coming out.  But it’s Michael Cole dressed like J.R., complete with barbeque sauce in hand.

Cole tries to distract Lawler, and coax him to fight him, but Cole is in the “Coalmine” so all is well.

Here comes HHH, and it’s indeed time to play the game in Pittsburgh.

We are 2 weeks away from the No Holds Barred match at Wrestlemania, between HHH and The Undertaker.

HHH is looking at the Wrestlemania sign, he says he has been in the business for almost 20 years.  He asked himself can this be the last time he works in the building.  2 weeks will be the defining moment in his career, and The Undertaker’s career.  HHH sees the signs, 19-0, 18-1, etc. 

He has no idea what this match will take out of him or The Undertaker.  Neither one of them will be the same, and this is the biggest match of his life.  The “streak” is bigger than any championship, and maybe all of the championships HHH has held combined, and it could be a defined moment.  Before they tear each other up in 13 days, he wants Taker to come to the ring next week.  He wants to stand next to him, and tell him what will happen in 2 weeks at Wrestlemania.  He will look at him in his eye and tell him he will lose.  He will end the streak.  When it dies, so will The Undertaker.  If he can’t do it, he will die trying.  Hunter wants that last opportunity to stand in the ring and face him, when he ends the streak, it’s done.  At Wrestlemania, The Deadman will go 18-1.  At Wrestlemania, The Undertaker will rest in peace.

Ted Dibiase is out now.  He said that one year ago, he was one of the rising superstars, he was competing against Randy Orton, and now he is just an afterthought.  But he refuses to be an afterthought, he is making his own moment.  How about he takes out the Cerebral Assassin, and he would not be an afterthought.

He comes into the ring, but HHH cuts him off, and they both go outside. 

HHH gets a chair, nails Ted quite a few times with it, and now HHH is looking at the announce table…again.  That is never a good thing.

Pedigree through the table.

There goes Dibiase’s career.

Tonight, John Cena responds live via satellite….insert your own joke here.

Miz is “re-writing Miztory” whatever that means.

Sheamus is in the ring, the new United States champion, he will face off against Evan Bourne.

Sheamus got the revenge from Evan Bourne a few weeks ago with a rather quick victory via Brogue Kick.  Evan tried the Air Bourne, but was denied.

Sheamus said he is now our new United States Champion of America.

Here comes Daniel Bryan.

He said one thing that is great about our country is anyone can make a mark.  He’d like to invoke his rematch clause, and he’d like it at Wrestlemania.  Sheamus responds with throwing the title to distract Daniel, then gives him a Brogue Kick.

Tonight, it’s Wrestlemania Rewind…Randy Orton will face off against Rey Mysterio.

WWE Tough Enough is returning to TV, 2 weeks after Raw.

Randy Orton is getting out of his traveling tour bus.  Scott Stanford wants to know what it’s like traveling on the bus.  Randy said it’s awesome, he can relax and focus while on the road.  One of his great accomplishments is taking out NEXUS one by one, and he has footage of that to watch over and over.  CM Punk says he is sick and twisted, but he doesn’t know how sick and twisted Randy can be.

Divas match here, Maryse taking on the WWE Diva’s champion, Eve.

Throughout the evening, Michael Cole is twittering.  Vince must have told him to do it.

Eve wins with a Swinging Neckbreaker, but once again Michael Cole made an ass out of himself by saying he wants the match over with, he has some stuff to share about Jerry “The King” Lawler.

But finally, after the match, Eve wants a piece of Michael Cole, and security are blocking her from ripping up the “Colemine”. 

She actually gets her hands on Cole and slaps him.

The Miz is rewriting “Miz-Tory” tonight.

The Corre are in the ring, apparently they are not allowing the wrestlers their full entrances tonight because we need to save some time for Cole Vs Lawler.

They show us the assault that The Corre laid out on Big Show and Kane from Smackdown this past week, and we have a tag team match against Santino and Kozlov, and that match is taking place now.

Gabriel and Slater defeat the former tag team champs when Slater gave Kozlov his Sweetness Neckbreaker, and Justin did the awesome 450 splash. 

The Corre beat down Santino and Kozlov, but here comes Kane and Big Show, complete with music, combining the two, so clearly these two are now a tag team.

Kane and Show completely dominate, including giving Big Zeke a double Chokeslam, this is a good thing.  I always enjoyed Kane and Show together as a team. 

Coming up next, John Cena, live via satellite.

Next week, The Great One is live on Raw, and not via satellite.

Speaking of satellite feeds, here comes Fruity Pebbles himself, John Cena.

Footage is being shown of The Miz attacking Cena again.

I hope Cena doesn’t give us any jokes here.

Cena said next week on Raw, he will be face to face with The Rock, and if they have a problem, that will be solved.

King asks Cena is he has underestimated The Miz, and Cena said he has.  If there is any doubt about The Miz, it’s why he is sitting at home.  The Miz has proven he can be champion, and he can change the face of Wrestling.  Now The Miz’s celebration will be epic tonight, and he hopes that The Miz can change the industry, but Cena, at Wrestlemania, he will make history.

Cole has a big surprise for Jerry “The King” Lawler next.

Jack Swagger and Michael Cole are in the ring when we come back.  Swagger heads to Lawler.

Cole has the mic.

Cole wants to introduce the man who is training him for his match at Wrestlemania, Jack Swagger, but he also has something to say.  They show us footage last week when Brian Lawler visited dear old Dad.

Brian slapped Jerry around a few times.

Brian sent Cole a gift, the Lawler family photo album. 

Cole wants to present us a picture of Jerry’s father, William Jerome Lawler.

Cole is making fun of Jerry’s father, very disrespectful.

Cole went to Memphis, and realized that Jerry and his father are both gutless cowards and bullies.  Cole will put him in his place at Wrestlemania.

Cole finally realized that Jerry, his mother, his father, and his son, they all have one thing in common….his family is nothing but a bunch of losers.

Jerry had enough, and Swagger punched King, but King fights back and knocks down Swagger.  He chases Cole around, but Swagger catches him with a running clothesline.  He shoves King on the glass of the “Colemine” while Cole talks trash.  He gives him another Ankle Lock.

Swagger wants Cole to give him an Ankle Lock.  He goats Lawler into tapping out, calling him a loser.

Jack raises the hand of Michael Cole.  Wow.

Now Cole is pointing to the Wrestlemania sign, I find that funny.

Still to come tonight, Wrestlemania Rewind match, Randy Orton will take on Rey Mysterio.

We are 13 days away from Wrestlemania.

When we come back, Cole wants to apologize, he has let his emotions get the best of him.

Footage is shown from last week with Snooki having a Wrestlemania match, and not Eve.

I understand the press this is getting, but it does nothing for me that Snooki is wrestling at the biggest event of the year.  I don’t care what press it gets, I hate it.

I guess the only positive thing about this is Dolph Ziggler and John Morrison have a Wrestlemania match, other than a Money in the Bank match.

We have a one on one match now, John Morrison facing off against Dolph Ziggler.  Trish Stratus is accompanying John, and Laycool is with Dolph, along with Vickie Guerrero, who HAS to have music.

During the match, Laycool and Trish Stratus interfered, so we get an….

Email sound…

The GM is now making this a Handicap Intergender match between Trish and Morrison taking on Dolph, Laycool, and Vickie Guerrero, and that match is continuing next.

Vickie, Dolph, and Laycool defeat Trish and Morrison when Dolph rammed John’s shoulder into the ring post, and gave him the Zig Zag.  He tagged out Vickie and she pinned Dolph. 

They have to make this clear at times, I thought men weren’t supposed to be in the ring with women, but I guess Intergender means they can.  Then why was LayCool telling Morrison he can’t touch them?  Ugh!!!

Sin Cara is coming to WWE.

Michael Cole, in his “Colemine” shows us a video between HHH challenging The Undertaker.

This video is awesome, it has the opinions of various WWE Superstars and agents.  The magnitude of the match is amazing.

Randy Orton taking on Rey Mysterio….now.

Rey wins by countout…or is it a no contest?  See, what happens is right when Orton goes for the RKO, CM Punk is on the Titantron right next to Randy’s bus.  He said he may not know how sick and twisted Randy is, but he does know he can go right in the bus and meet Randy’s wife.  When Randy leaves and opens up the bus, Punk clips him with a tire wrench and a horrible actress, posing as Randy’s wife screams, but Punk tells her to shutup, and she does.  Now that’s hilarious.  He said Randy might be thinking now he shouldn’t have punted McGillicutty, Otunga, or Mason Ryan in the head, he did NOT mention Husky Harris though.  So he stomps Randy in the head and leaves.

Next week, we will see HHH and The Undertaker go face to face, also next week, The Rock will be in Chicago live.

A-Ri, Alex Riley is at the ring.  He said 3 weeks ago, he was fired as The Miz’s apprentice.  But this week, he was hired as VP of Corporate Communications.  So he is going to introduce the WWE Champion, and his best man in his wedding, The Miz.

This Wednesday, The Miz will be on Conan, and honestly, TNA needs to start doing that too.  Get the company and star over more by being on the late night talk show circuit.  Vince is the master of promotion.

The Miz said people get to pay money to see Michael Jordan in his prime, now people can pay money to see him.  When he started, people thought he was annoying, now look at how far they came.  People are on the edge of their seat listening to every word The Miz has to say.  Many people in the past have imitated The Rock, but nobody can do it like himself.  He is someone who has more charisma than Shawn Michaels.  He is physically more dominant than Andre The Giant, he is far more talented than John Cena and The Rock combined.  He is the greatest WWE champion in history.

He has flipped the world upside down, and is now showing his new WWE Title, an upside down W, representing M for Miz.  Yes, it’s the MWE…Miz Wrestling Entertainment.

Wow, this is not a good segment here.  Miz is holding up his new title, by presenting a W turned upside down.  No more spinning titles, I really wished they changed the complete design here. 

Miz doesn’t plan on being a multi-time champion, because he doesn’t plan on ever losing the title, because he’s The Miz…..and he’s awesome.

John Cena is touched, Live Via Satellite, or is he?  Oh, that John Cena….he was in the building the entire time.  And he’s coming out to beat down the two “Jackwagons”.

Cena beats down Riley, and has the upper hand, but Miz runs away like a complete coward.  Cena puts Riley on a STF, and is a “deranged maniac” ending the show.

Kevin’s Thoughts:

In one week, WWE has turned The Miz into a legitimate threat to a complete joke…again.  In fact, I was hoping Cena would beat down The Miz, and turn this into a serious feud, and make us wonder who will win the match at Wrestlemania, but tonight was a complete waste of time.  Why not just hold a sign that says “Cena is in the building, Miz, run and hide”?  That isn’t how you build a championship match. 

The first half of the show was fine, they had to set up HHH Vs Undertaker as the REAL main event, and they did that very well, especially adding that video footage from the other wrestler’s points of view, and next week, it will be fun to see the two of them in the ring again, face to face.  But from that point, this show went downhill fast. 

Cole Vs Lawler started the show together…again….and once again….King had to leave the show because he was beat up.  I understand they have to build this, but why not keep King off TV until the epic match?  Have King prepare for this match, like no other match, because after all, this is HIS Wrestlemania moment.  Cole can build the match by himself on TV. 

I also completely hated the Divas match and the Intergender match because they have to treat Trish Stratus like she is a legend, and make her wrestling feel very important, that didn’t happen tonight. 

Just a throw away show tonight, and they can’t afford to do that.  Next week has to be a kick ass show because it is the go home episode before Mania. 

What were your thoughts on the show?  Email me at DJKevinGillman75@aol.com or drop me a line on the site.

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About Kevin Gillman
I have had this blog up for a few years, writing every Monday night and anytime in between. Always check the site out, send me a comment on what your thoughts are for the current state of wrestling.

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