WWE Monday Night Raw 1/28/13….Raw Roulette….Spin The Wheel…Make The Deal

The Road to Wrestlemania has officially begun, and last night, The Rock ended CM Punk’s 434 day reign as WWE Champion, something that may never be topped again. So where do we go from here? We are live in Las Vegas, Nevada. Here we go.

Last night, John Cena won the Royal Rumble, and he now is heading to Wrestlemania. Could it be Rock Vs Cena? Or perhaps it’s Cena vs Del Rio?

We kick the show off with the wheel, and see Vickie Guerrero. The rules tonight ar Raw Roulette. We have three wheels, the wheel of Superstars, the Wheel of Stipulations, and Vickie’s Chances.

Our first match will be the United States Champion Antonio Cesaro taking on Randy Orton, and we spin the wheel, it will be a Special Guest Referee match.

Here comes the former WWE Champion, CM Punk, bullying people.

Punk still refers himself as WWE Champion, because he beat The Rock, and became the new People’s Champion. This is day 435 of the historic Title reign.

The crowd chants for The Rock, and Punk calls him a cheater, that is who the fans like? We are all cheaters, just like Vince McMahon, and The Rock.

He never needed anyone to help him win matches, he needed anyone to restart matches, this will go down as The Phoenix Screwjob, this is worst than what Vince did to Bret Hart. He got screwed.

We are going to have a party for The Rock, and in his day, you don’t get water breaks, you don’t restart matches. He is going to ruin the party.

Vince McMahon comes out, and he has video tape footage that Punk and Paul Heyman are involved with The Shield.

Heyman tries to intervene, but Vince tells him he is full of crap. They will have a personal contract Review, that could result in his termination. Have a nice party.

Michael Cole, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and JBL welcome us to the show.

Tonight, The Rock, the new WWE Champion will be here, tonight.

Our first match is up now, Randy Orton Vs Antonio Cesaro, in a Special Guest Referee match.

The special guest ref is The Miz.

Orton wins the match with a RKO. Cesaro got into Miz’s face, and even shoved him, Miz turned away, and Cesaro met the RKO.

Miz turned to Cesaro to make sure he is okay, and gave him a Skull Crushing Finale, to boot.

The wheel is spinning, and it lands on Make me Laugh.

The victim? Ryback.

Feed Me More.

Ryback has to make me laugh, next.

Andre Agassi, and Steffi Graff are in the crowd.

Oh my, we have Ryback and Prime Tim Players in the ring, for make me laugh, and we even have Matt Striker as our host.

Prime Time Players are first.

What did the woman say to Matt Striker when he asked her out on a date? Nobody has time for that.

Boo!!!!

Ryback has a joke, what has 4 eyes, 20 fingers, and are about to be unconscious?

Ryback kicks Darren Young and gives Titus O’ Neil a Spinebuster.

Feed Me More!!

Meathook, Shellshock!!

Feed Me More!!

That made Striker laugh, so the winner of the Make Me Laugh Challenge….Ryback.

Ryback now gives Striker Shellshock.

We see that Bob Backlund is joining Mick Foley to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.

Later tonight, we will find out who the third inductee are.

Also tonight, The Rock, the new WWE Champion will be here.

We see the wheel spin, and it lands under Player’s Choice. Wade Barrett gets to choose who his opponent is.

He wants that long-haired, flash in the pan, NXT wrestler, Bo Dallas. last night was the greatest night of his career, throwing out Wade Barrett, but tonight, he gets the Barrett Barrage.

Barrett Vs Bo Dallas, now.

Bo wins the match with a Body Slam, shocking the intercontinental Champion. They treat this as a big upset.

The wheel is spinning, Cody Rhodes is checking to see who is opponent is, it’s John Cena. That match is up, next.

Cena completely squashed Cody Rhodes. Oh, how the mighty have fallen, not even Cody’s moustache could help him. Cena won with the Attitude Adjustment.

Cena has the mic, and the crowd is booing him, yet he is holding the mic, to hear more of it.

Cena said any of the other 29 superstars could tell you how they should have won the Royal Rumble, but there is one man, this man who can say he won the Royal Rumble.

Throwing Ryback over the top rope was the first step, because the next step is to decide what title to go after at Wrestlemania. And this is the most difficult one. The choice becomes difficult because either person who holds the title he wants will either be CM Punk or The Rock. CM Punk, the man who is impossible to beat in 2 years. He finds a way to win, something he has done to Cena 6 times. Then, there is The Rock. A man he openly talked about when he returned to WWE. He did that to make sure he challenged him. In one year, Cena put everything on the line to say how important it was for Cena to beat The Rock. He had done everything at times, even showed that The Rock couldn’t even carry his own jock strap, yet that one day, on April 1st, he lost that one match, The Rock won.

So we can see that Cena has a tough choice, does he challenge the World Heavyweight Champion, because he no matter who the champion is, he has a better choice of beating, or the WWE Championship, two men that have been very difficult to beat. Regardless, he is going to make that choice right now.

On April 7th, he is going to challenge the WWE Champion.

No shit, Sherlock.

This goes out to a message to CM Punk or The Rock. They are being called out, because we are on the road to Wrestlemania.

Here comes The Shield.

They fight out Cena, but here come Sheamus.

Here comes Ryback.

They lay out Sheamus and Ryback, but Superman fights back.

Triple Powerbomb puts down Superman.

Still to come tonight, The Rock returns to Raw, and also tonight, we get a Personal Performance Review on Paul Heyman by Vince McMahon.

Moments ago, we see what we just saw, The Shield taking out Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback.

We get another spin of the wheel, a lingerie pillow fight, involving Tensai and Brodus Clay.

Tensai refuses, and Vickie obliges. Brodus spins the Vickie Challenge wheel, it’s a dance off.

Brodus will tell Tensai about the change.

Royal Rumble Fan Fest video is playing.

Oh boy, our dance off is up now, and I believe we will also see Tensai in lingerie, next.

We come back, and see King in the ring. He is serving as host, and Tensai, who is wearing a robe interrupts him, saying let’s just get this over with, and takes off his robe. Yes folks, Tensai is wearing lingerie.

This is a dance off, so Brodus and the Funkadactyls dance for us.

Its Tensai’s turn.

King tells him this is Las Vegas, and what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

You promise?

Music starts, and Tensai dances, need I remind you….in lingerie.

All four are in the ring dancing together, and we see Ron Simmons in the back, watching this.

DAMN!!

Another spin of the wheel, this time its the World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio, spinning a Body Slam Challenge.

Vickie wishes Del Rio luck, and he says we are in Vegas, and in Vegas, anything can happen.

We come back for the Body Slam Challenge, between Alberto Del Rio Vs Big Show.

Big Show knocks out Del Rio with the WMD, and has a roll of duct tape, wraps it around Del Rio’s arms. Ricardo tries to aid Del Rio, but Big Show goes after Ricardo.

Show knocks out Ricardo, and knocks out Del Rio again.

Moments ago, we see what we just saw, Del Rio and Ricardo being knocked out by Big Show.

Our next match is a Showgirls Lumberjill Match, with all the Divas being dressed as showgirls, and Tamina is facing Kaitlyn.

the match ends in a no contest, when the Lumberjills all go after each other, we see Kaitlyn and Tamina even take a step back, and watch this.

Easily worst match of the year….so far.

The Rock, the new WWE Champion is up next.

Earlier tonight, The Shield attacks John Cena, Ryback, and Sheamus.

Here comes the new WWE Champion, The Rock.

The Rock said there is one word that better understands everything today represents….finally….FINALLY….The Rock Has Come Back to Las Vegas.

And FINALLY….The Rock is WWE Champion.

This Title represents everything The Rock has stood for, and he has thanked all of his friends, and family, but now he is going to thank us.

For 434 days, CM Punk has run his mouth, saying we don’t count, we don’t matter, he has said we are nothing. He is here to tell us those crappy days are over.

No longer is CM Punk going to come out here, looking like a homeless tattooed guy, along with his fat manager. Paul doesn’t think about anything else but if he has a bra that fits his deep friend Twinkie tits.

Tonight, we celebrate a new era, we are all in Vegas, and we are all getting some pie.

Here comes the buzz kill, CM Punk.

For 434 days, Punk has made sure that title means something, yet already Rock demeans that title, because he doesn’t earn that title, it was given to him, like everything was given to him in his entire career.

If Punk has any respect for himself, his father, his grandfather, and if he was a man, he’d come up to Punk, and hand him the title, saying he stole it from him, congratulating him for being the best in the world, and apologizing for making that title mean something.

And if Punk had any nuts between those legs, he would come to the ring, and come and take the title.

He has two choices, he can come to the ring and face Rock like a man, or stand on that ramp, and look like a punk ass bitch.

Here comes Punk.

Punk decides to look like a punk ass bitch, because he does things when he wants to, not when Rock wants to. He challenges Rock to a rematch for the title, at Elimination Chamber.

It’s Rock’s rematch, not Punk’s rematch. Show up, if you dare.

Okay, Rock accepts, but it’s Punk taking a beating, you punk ass bitch, if ya smell what The Rock is cooking.

Tonight, Paul Heyman’s fate will be revealed in a Performance Review. But coming up next, Damien Sandow Vs Sheamus, in a tables match.

69 days away from Wrestlemania.

Sheamus wins with White Noise, putting Sandow’s beard into a table.

Not a good night for Team Rhodes Scholars.

Still to come tonight, we will have a Performance Review with Paul Heyman, and Vince McMahon.

We come back, and see we have a karaoke competition between Zack Ryder and The Great Khali.

Khali butchers Shawn Michaels “Sexy Boy” theme song, and here comes 3MB.

They say they are the “Heavy Metals” of WWE, and Zack counters he’s into pop, and Khali is into banging heads.

Heath offers up Drew McIntyre to challenge that feat, and Khali bust some heads.

The announcers can’t even put this segment over, so this is the Road to Wrestlemania?

The returning Chris Jericho is headed to the ring, next.

Here comes Chris Jericho…..BABBBBYYYYY!!!!

Welcome to Raw Is Jericho!!!! It’s great to be back in the WWE, right here, right now. He was gone for 6 months, it felt like he was gone in 6 years. He fooled us last night, being the surprise entrant in Royal Rumble match, and he wants to thank us, because it’s something he will never….EEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER forget again.

Here comes The Show-Off Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph is so glad Chris had a great time, until he eliminated him. But what is he doing here? He ended his career last summer. AJ reminded us that she put Ziggy’s briefcase on the line against Jericho’s career.

Jericho told Ziggy to put his little crazy doggie on a leash before she pees on the floor.

Big E. speaks up, and Jericho asks what E stands for, the size of his chest?

Vickie Guerrero interferes to say that she signed Chris again, because it’s good for business. So let’s spin the wheel.

It lands on Strange Bedfellows, which means they will team together to face Team Hell No, now.

Team Hell No win the match. Kane and Daniel couldn’t get along, and neither did Dolph or Jericho. Dolph slapped Jericho’s back to tag in, and Chris slapped Kane’s back. Kane thought it was Ziggy, and Kane gave him a Chokeslam.

The newest Hall of Fame Inductee? Trish Stratus.

Paul Heyman’s Personal Performance Review, next.

This Friday night on Smackdown, Booker T will name plans for the World Heavyweight Championship, and what that means for Alberto Del Rio.

Vince McMahon is in the ring, wants Paul Heyman to come into the ring, and informs us that CM Punk has been escorted out of the building ten minutes ago.

Heyman wants to shake hands with Vince, and after Vince does that, he sanitize his hands.

Vince cuts to the chase, and wants to know if he ever had The Shield or Brad Maddox under contract?

Heyman wants to thank Vince for those opportunity to answer this question, he slowly denies having anything to do with The Shield or Brad Maddox.

Vince asks if Heyman ever lied.

Heyman brings up how his father was at Madison Square Garden saying adversity will conquer the tough times, and he has admitted he lies every single day of the week, because he is a promoter. He has lied to survive another day, he has lied to his parents, his co-workers, anyone that will listen. But he swears to God, he is not lying now.

Vince asks if he is an honorable man?

Heyman doesn’t know, but he is trying to be one. He wants to be here, and if it means he must be an honorable man, then dammit, he will be one.

Let’s take a closer look at his face, is it an honorable face?

No.

Is it an honorable man?

No.

Vince wants to show footage, and we will hear what Heyman has to say.

We see footage from a few weeks ago when Heyman takes Brad to a dark room, and he says to cut the camera off, and he says they paid Brad money to do his job as a referee so Ryback doesn’t win the WWE Title at Hell in a Cell, but Brad keeps coming back, wanting more money. Now when they pay The Shield to do things, they don’t come for them for more, they wait until Punk and Heyman come to them. So take this beating like a man.

The Shield beats up Brad, and the cameraman.

We come back, and Heyman says that wasn’t him. You know what it’s like being falsely accused. He has a thick Jewish New York accent, we are in Vegas, with millions of impersonality, and that person is impersonating Heyman. They are jealous because of his success with ECW, because of his success with CM Punk.

Vince asks if that was Brad Maddox.

Yes.

Was that The Shield?

Yes.

But that wasn’t Heyman?

No.

Vince asks the fans if Heyman deserves to be fired.

The fans say yes, and Vince is about to fire Heyman….

But Here Comes The Pain.

Brock goes face to face with Vince.

Vince says if he were Vince, he would not do something he would regret later on.

Brock orders Heyman to stand in the corner.

Brock F5s Vince!!!

The show ends with Brock standing tall, and leaving the ring.

Kevin’s Thoughts:

I give WWE full credit here, just when I was about to rip this show, and state how nothing felt special tonight, they saved the best for last. No question about it, HHH will come back, and avenge what Brock Lesnar did to his Father-in-Law.

The best thing about this is we can see Brock and Punk work together, until we see them feud with each other, and make no mistake about it, that is going to happen. And give Vince credit, the man is 67 years old, yet he can still take a beating when he has to.

Okay, I still cannot ignore this. John Cena’s promo was full of shit again. I get it, we will see The Rock Vs Cena at Wrestlemania. It’s not the match I want to see, since we saw it last year, but it’s something we are going to see again, but it doesn’t excuse what Cena said tonight. That more or less nobody wearing the World Heavyweight Championship is even in his league, more or less. Its bullshit, how do you build up someone, when the face of the company tells us, a babyface, mind you, but he tells us nobody is worthy to beat him.

Remember, this is the same man who said two years ago that The Miz Vs Cena is not a “Wrestlemania-worthy” match. When you tell the fans that, they will believe it. Not the right thing to do, and actually, a chickenshit thing to do. Sorry about my language, but I had to say it, and quite frankly, it is bullshit.

The biggest problem we have right now is Raw being on for 3 hours. It’s just too long of a show, with everything cramming down our throats. It has to end, and it must end after Wrestlemania.

Enough of the negative stuff. The last 15 minutes of the show is worth to see again, go check it out on Youtube, when you get a chance.

What did you think of the show? Send me your thoughts here.

Advertisements

About Kevin Gillman
I have had this blog up for a few years, writing every Monday night and anytime in between. Always check the site out, send me a comment on what your thoughts are for the current state of wrestling.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: